I’m sure this is a common occurrence among believers, but as this is the first time to my knowledge that this has happened to me in such a remarkably obvious way, I figured I’d blog about it.
As most already know, Lauren and I are no longer dating. Out of respect for her privacy, I’ll keep most of the details surrounding that decision between the two of us, but I feel okay with communicating my mental state over the past month. Long story short, we’re together no longer because I am not the man I should be. This summer was excellent for my spiritual condition, and I’m not necessarily referring to my walk with the Lord when I mention my personal faults; rather, I’ve recognized (several months too late) that I possess deep character and personality flaws. I had failed to place my girlfriend before myself, in every way that counts. I had grown incredibly lazy, irresponsible, and selfish… As I mentioned in my introductory post a few days ago, this process began when I made the decision to cut corners on my schoolwork. It only increased in magnitude since that time, and it made the relationship quite crappy for her.
Anyone who has dated someone for about a year without it culminating in permanence knows how much it sucks. I don’t plan on doing it again (for the fourth time, actually), especially not for the same reasons. I’ve resolved to change, and I’m serious about it.
However, I’m not changing for a girl. I’m not changing for anyone else. I’m changing for myself and for my Savior. I’ve redoubled my efforts to grow closer to my God, and I’ve learned to reinforce those efforts with daily advice from those more mature than I. Actually, I don’t really have much of a choice with the former; since I’m on disciplinary probation, I’m required to meet with the Dean of Men once a week to discuss, well, my life. It’s actually been an awesome experience so far. I’ve gained a ton of respect for the guy, so much so that I’d consider meeting regularly with him even if it weren’t compulsory.
Anyway, I’ve waxed eloquent without actually hitting on the subject of this post. I’ve marvelled these past three weeks at how, on a daily basis, I will read or hear a specific nugget of truth related to my current situation. I will literally grasp a concept that appears to be written, offered, or preached directly into my heart. Between the Word, chapel messages, meetings with the Dean, and the two books I’m currently working through, I’ve been overwhelmed with how much direct, conscious effort God seems to be putting into my life.
Now comes the rub: application timez! I’m infamous for talking a big game, so please, friends… Keep me accountable. Stop me around campus, at church, during Game 3 of the finals at GP: Nashville (no, please, I beg of you, do NOT stop me in that setting, I guarantee you I’ve already made seventeen play mistakes in the match by that point, and I don’t need you breathing down my neck). Ask me how I’m doing, throw me an encouraging bone, and feel free to smack me around if I’m slacking.
*Just noticed that the Word of the Day on dictionary.com is “atog.” That’s freakin’ awesome.