For those who might be unfamiliar with the term used as this post’s title, “mouth-breather” (or “breather” for short) is the nickname given to a very special category of gamers. The name refers to their tragic inability to breathe throught their noses, a malady which usually comes off as unattractive and tends to repel women rather effectively. Additional characteristics include pungent body odors, lack of shampooed hair, and shirts featuring mathematical equations in prominent areas.

Not all card and/or video game players fall under this categorization. We are often unneccessarily stereotyped thusly, and it’s an ongoing struggle to prove to the world that we are capable of normal social interaction and personal hygiene. I’ve found that this is particularly true of Magic players. Most of the guys with whom I play and associate are guys who I’d be proud to know and befriend even if we didn’t play the same card game. Many of them have advanced degrees from top-tier universities, and one or two of them actually have hot girlfriends. I mean, way more attractive than yours. We’re just normal guys with one more hobby than most, and we probably have more fun than you do. Also, I’m willing to wager that you’ll never have the chance to make money dragging your ’98 Civic down Ritchie Highway or engaging in yet another delightful round of Drunken Karaoke at Cheeseburger Paradise.

I was planning on talking about today’s Scars prerelease, but since I did so poorly*, I figured I’d just draft a defense of one of my interests. Hope you learned something.

*Oddly enough, those “breathers” tend to be pretty decent at their respective games. It still sucks losing to them, especially when you know they’ll be bragging about it to their sixth grade classmates on Monday.

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