Grand Theft Autumn

Nice three-month gap between posts seems pretty standard.

Well, it’s official – exactly one month from today, I’ll be packing my life back into the Cavalier and shipping out to Wisconsin for what should be, God willing, my final semester of undergraduate study. It’s been a refreshing fifteen months away, but enough’s enough, time to man up, etc. I’m looking forward to some things, like quitting my job (PRAISE BE) and living with some sweet bros, but here’s hoping it’s a quick four months.

Speaking of the worst workplace in world history, anyone who regularly reads my updates on any social network and/or spends any significant time around me should know by now how terrible my job can be. Two of my coworkers in particular, who shall both remain nameless in this forum, are especially delightful, and I’ve done my best to share their deeds with the world via Twitter and Facebook. I had briefly considered starting an offshoot blog dedicated solely to recapping the days in which our shifts overlap, but since I’m too lazy to update this blog, and since we have only four more weeks, you’ll just have to ask me in person if you’d like to be regaled with more Tales from the Locker.

I don’t often talk about most of my biggest pet peeves. This might be to my detriment, since some of them are practiced regularly by none other than my best friends. I’ve decided to feature them one at a time in blog posts. I’ll start with a seemingly innocuous one. I hate the assertion that people who drive vehicles with manual transmissions are superior in any way to people with automatics. I have never understood this rationale. “Lolol, dude drives an AUTOMATIC MUSTANG, nice ride, DORK. Probably can’t even SPELL ‘shortshifter’ (see, I totally can)!”

What’s so tough about manually shifting gears? Does pressing that extra pedal and flicking your wrist between speeds really provide that much of an adrenaline boost? The arguments are all the same: “Manuals afford better control, they’re not boring to drive, they prove how good you really are behind the wheel, blah blah blah.” I’ve ridden shotgun with a lot of guys who thought they were quite good on the road, and it’s always a delight when they stall at an intersection with sixteen impatient drivers lined up behind them. I’ve never once enjoyed a ride in a pre-2000s stick, because they always buck and jump between first, second, and third. And I actually appreciate my automatic for the fact that I don’t have to shift; I can focus entirely on the task at hand, ie. not killing the other humans, and I can zone out on familiar city routes without ever needing to downshift or engine brake or any of that nonsense.

The biggest reason why this really irks me is the fact that driving a stick isn’t even an inherant talent… It’s an easily-acquired skill! Whenever I wanted, I could spend a few hours practicing in a parking lot, and by dinnertime I’d be 90% as good as anyone you know. I don’t understand the logic behind mocking people for voluntarily opting out of extra work. It’s in the same vein as the attitudes of most Mac users (might get to them eventually), or all the Google+ idiots.

Well, it’s early, and people have started squawking about The Dark Knight Rises, and I’m going to try my best to avoid any spoilers until Saturday night.

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